mirror of
https://github.com/mikaela/mikaela.github.io/
synced 2024-12-30 23:32:37 +01:00
95 lines
4.9 KiB
Markdown
95 lines
4.9 KiB
Markdown
---
|
|
layout: post
|
|
comments: true
|
|
title: "Feelings or what is left unsaid about Kotkan keskuskoulu"
|
|
category: [english]
|
|
tags: [irc, english]
|
|
---
|
|
|
|
*If you wanted to know about my current life situation, read something else
|
|
as I have no life and this posts talks only about the haunting past.*
|
|
|
|
Everyone probably knows that I haven't had very positive experience with
|
|
any school, but now I try to bring some events to light from maybe
|
|
seven years ago.
|
|
|
|
There are three event that haunt me the most:
|
|
|
|
* *I am just being at break like I am always, alone and without friends
|
|
and I hear one of the bullies talking about me, "that jack pisses me off
|
|
so much, always walking around in kuoma boots and his face is like ass
|
|
of prey bird." After that I remember being in physics or chemitry lesson
|
|
and crying and trying to get attention of teacher by writing everything
|
|
very slowly, but failing and the only thing that happened was my
|
|
handwriting looking better.*
|
|
* *I don't remember the situation, I think it was a break, but someone from
|
|
the same class said "I know why … is so weird, his grandfathers have had
|
|
sex with monkeys.*
|
|
* *I don't remember where it began, but one group of bullies took the habit
|
|
of calling me as "ubitch". I don't know where they took that word as
|
|
even I didn't know about being trans (Asperger's diagnose would also
|
|
come later), but they had issue when I smiled, so I learned to not smile
|
|
and that is still causing me issues to this day includin difficulties in
|
|
voice training and potential [AvPD](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder).
|
|
The same group also did worse things that I don't want to talk about.*
|
|
|
|
What was done? Different appointments with different people, including
|
|
school social worker who quite directly said "there is no bullying in our
|
|
school, you are scizhophrenic" (don't mind that school social workers
|
|
aren't able to write dignosis) and psychologist who surprised me and my
|
|
mother by knowing everything about my childhood and "just had to start from
|
|
something (Asperger's syndrome).
|
|
|
|
I ended up ending that school half year before it would have been over and
|
|
at some point starting my long visits to psychiatrical hospital (which is
|
|
horrible if you happen to be neuroatypial and part of
|
|
Gender/Romantic/Sexual Minority or multiple of those, but that is for
|
|
another post).
|
|
|
|
There were also other issues that I remember, but I don't feel the same
|
|
level of pain.
|
|
|
|
* *One person never talked to me and had some issue with me and always got
|
|
what they wanted ("I don't want to work with that"). Not that I wanted
|
|
to work with them, but it would have been nice if anyone thought about
|
|
asking my opinion.*
|
|
* *On home economics lesson, I don't remember what was talked about, but
|
|
I said for some reason that I like tuna over rye crisps and got response
|
|
that it's "so poor" and it's unclear to this day what does price of food
|
|
have to do with how does it taste.*
|
|
* *There was … Suomalainen fanclub at Facebook and it was also reported to
|
|
police, but no action was took as there was nothing offensive there. In
|
|
the end offensive content got there, but it was removed in agreement
|
|
when anti-bullying FB page with name "bully name bunny club" was
|
|
removed.*
|
|
* *I was also friends at some point with the person depending on how
|
|
much friendship it is to perform Windows repair install and as
|
|
reward get told that we couldn't be friends at school as their
|
|
reputation would suffer. More bullying came...*
|
|
* There was also a lot more that happened there, but I would probably write
|
|
this forever if I wrote about everything and the things that are always
|
|
on surface are already written.
|
|
|
|
and as this is titled feelings, I should probably write about those too,
|
|
not that there was anything new.
|
|
|
|
* I seem to be always anxious, especially if anyone wants me to go outdoors
|
|
alone and I am afraid of seeing someone from any school even if they
|
|
didn't recognize me or did nothing, I have already seen people from there
|
|
twice with both times mentally locking me down.
|
|
* I am just horrible person, everyone hates me and no one is honest in any
|
|
good thing they say to/about me.
|
|
* I am just bothering everyone by being present in same space whether
|
|
physical or online.
|
|
* Most of time I feel I have no friends anywhere even if there are
|
|
otherwise some IRC or IRL, it's just difficult for me to make/maintain
|
|
friendships, but me being horrible person is nothing new anyway.
|
|
* I wish that I had a partner, but it's impossible as I am just horrible
|
|
person and autist (in bad way) and asexual (while most of rest of the
|
|
world wants only sex) and trans (which is probably the worse as that
|
|
translates to "has or has had a penis" and makes everyone misinterpred me
|
|
as being male or being unable to think me as a girl). I don't sleep
|
|
propery at nights thinking these things and I just cannot get out and
|
|
as said Kymenlaakso is unable to help.
|
|
|