Blog: leaving bot communities & little on my life

_posts/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life.md

@@ -0,0 +1,104 @@
+---
+layout: post
+comments: true
+title: "Leaving bot communities and little on my life currently"
+category: [english]
+tags: [irc, english, life]
+---
+
+Today I decided to leave all communities that had anything to do with bots,
+mainly because of the Limnoria channels.
+
+If you have followed Limnoria's channels for longer time, you know how
+it has gotten less tolerant of discussions that are not related to
+Limnoria. It started escalating today as \#freenode had discussions on
+issues with freenode's staffers and while one issue was resolved, @ncoevoet
+decided that it's best that they leave the channel as they are "unwanted".
+
+Below is the problematic part of discussion from 2015-02-13:
+
+```text
+[21:43:36] <niko> Mikaela: maybe there is more suitable channels for that than here
+[21:46:37] <Mikaela> niko: for what?
+[21:48:34] <niko> most of us are here for supybot/limnoria support etc, could you use another channel for your gender problem ?  
+[21:49:41] <Mikaela> our CoC has always allowed offtopic talking and this is the channel where I was always open even before I came out. There aren't also active support questions at the moment. You can find the link in ,,(topic get 1)
+[21:49:43] <Limnoria> Help with using and developing for Limnoria, please see our CoC http://git.io/rh363Q
+[21:50:04] <Mikaela> true, most of that has moved to ##abgilpqt+ after it was founded and this stopped being the nice channel of ~5 people
+```
+
+Today it was nicely told me that it's not offtopic that is the issue, but
+it's "my ranting" or in other words, me as I am not neurotypical or cis
+or anything else that is wanted feature there. [Link to the CoC of that time.](https://github.com/ProgVal/Limnoria/wiki/CoC/ee9f12ec56159c618bec12f2df41a99596555c85)
+
+I cannot read it any other way than that I am not wanted to the channel and
+no matter how many people I have helped, my issues are bigger issue than
+the good that I might have done.
+
+## A little on my life currently
+
+**TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, school bullying**
+
+I am 19 years old trans woman who also has Asperger's syndrome
+<s>studying for vocational qualification in business information
+technology</s> or would be studying if there wasn't one "small bullying
+issue." I haven't been at
+[Etelä-Kymenlaakso vocational college](http://ekami.fi/in-english) for
+month and more.
+
+It started some time ago when I went there and it was mainly in three
+events on different days:
+
+* Coming from school canteen someone said "hi Mikaela, you are beautiful"
+  in one boy group where I have no idea who said it or who they even are.
+* Going to school canteen someone of the same group said "hi" and I replied
+  "hi" and I got third reply imitating my horrible masculine voice.
+* The last time going to school canteen I went to nearby bathroom to
+  \<if I understood correctly, trans people do so horrible things in
+  bahtroom that I cannot write it here :P\> and I heard my name being
+  shouted there multiple times. When I leeft it and went to canteen, I
+  just ignored them and went to canteen normally and heard them shouting
+  after me "ONKO SULLA MUNAT!" which in spoken (Finnish) language
+  translates to "DO YOU HAVE TESTICLES?".
+
+I informed this to school social worker and two teachers, but then I
+learned that the school is unable to do anything as I have no idea who
+the people are (what class or names). I was one day away and on then went
+back for some time and got more and more anxious and stressful on what
+if I saw the people somewhere or if they walke to canteen using the side
+door that I had been using. Since then I have been unable to go anywhere
+near Hamina.
+
+There was one exception where I had scheduler appointment with the school
+social worker and I went there with my mother, but the school social
+worker was away with label on the door saying "if you had scheduled
+appointment, please contact me using Wilma (place to message teachers 
+etc.)" so we wasted time 50 minutes per trip from Kotka to Hamina and
+Hamina to Kotka.
+
+* * * * *
+
+I would graduate in summer without this issue and the only thing I have
+missing is work training. As I don't have work training place I was doing
+it at school with some other students until the bullying started.
+
+The work training didn't went too well as it felt like it was as far
+from real work environment as possible, teacher giving some tasks that are
+done in maybe 15 minutes and rest of time other people just playing games
+and drinking energy drinks.
+
+There is also another issue, me being scared of real work environment, but
+nothing can be done to it now and the fear will just be moved to trouble
+either my next school that I have thought to be
+[KyUAS](http://www.kyamk.fi/Frontpage) (but it seems likely that I will
+try to get to [Helsinki] or [Jyväsykylä] and study there as people have
+offered to help me find apartment either from there) or anywhere where I
+will work in the future if I ever will.
+
+The school also offered to also give remote tasks, but it was too late and
+I don't feel like I can do anything anymore as the school hasn't done
+anything to help the situation.
+
+How does this affect me? As people say, bullying leaves eternal scars and I
+am not someone who could stay away from school just for fun, I have talked
+about suicide daily and I have also just been talked out of it for the
+second time in two days. I don't believe I can live like this forever.