From d0d8f8f190dee85d9522138337a22c863c8df7d5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Mikaela Suomalainen Date: Wed, 25 Mar 2015 13:49:00 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] Blog: leaving bot communities & little on my life --- _posts/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life.md | 104 +++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 104 insertions(+) create mode 100644 _posts/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life.md diff --git a/_posts/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life.md b/_posts/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c05bfab --- /dev/null +++ b/_posts/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life.md @@ -0,0 +1,104 @@ +--- +layout: post +comments: true +title: "Leaving bot communities and little on my life currently" +category: [english] +tags: [irc, english, life] +--- + +Today I decided to leave all communities that had anything to do with bots, +mainly because of the Limnoria channels. + +If you have followed Limnoria's channels for longer time, you know how +it has gotten less tolerant of discussions that are not related to +Limnoria. It started escalating today as \#freenode had discussions on +issues with freenode's staffers and while one issue was resolved, @ncoevoet +decided that it's best that they leave the channel as they are "unwanted". + +Below is the problematic part of discussion from 2015-02-13: + +```text +[21:43:36] Mikaela: maybe there is more suitable channels for that than here +[21:46:37] niko: for what? +[21:48:34] most of us are here for supybot/limnoria support etc, could you use another channel for your gender problem ? +[21:49:41] our CoC has always allowed offtopic talking and this is the channel where I was always open even before I came out. There aren't also active support questions at the moment. You can find the link in ,,(topic get 1) +[21:49:43] Help with using and developing for Limnoria, please see our CoC http://git.io/rh363Q +[21:50:04] true, most of that has moved to ##abgilpqt+ after it was founded and this stopped being the nice channel of ~5 people +``` + +Today it was nicely told me that it's not offtopic that is the issue, but +it's "my ranting" or in other words, me as I am not neurotypical or cis +or anything else that is wanted feature there. [Link to the CoC of that time.](https://github.com/ProgVal/Limnoria/wiki/CoC/ee9f12ec56159c618bec12f2df41a99596555c85) + +I cannot read it any other way than that I am not wanted to the channel and +no matter how many people I have helped, my issues are bigger issue than +the good that I might have done. + +## A little on my life currently + +**TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, school bullying** + +I am 19 years old trans woman who also has Asperger's syndrome +studying for vocational qualification in business information +technology or would be studying if there wasn't one "small bullying +issue." I haven't been at +[Etelä-Kymenlaakso vocational college](http://ekami.fi/in-english) for +month and more. + +It started some time ago when I went there and it was mainly in three +events on different days: + +* Coming from school canteen someone said "hi Mikaela, you are beautiful" + in one boy group where I have no idea who said it or who they even are. +* Going to school canteen someone of the same group said "hi" and I replied + "hi" and I got third reply imitating my horrible masculine voice. +* The last time going to school canteen I went to nearby bathroom to + \ and I heard my name being + shouted there multiple times. When I leeft it and went to canteen, I + just ignored them and went to canteen normally and heard them shouting + after me "ONKO SULLA MUNAT!" which in spoken (Finnish) language + translates to "DO YOU HAVE TESTICLES?". + +I informed this to school social worker and two teachers, but then I +learned that the school is unable to do anything as I have no idea who +the people are (what class or names). I was one day away and on then went +back for some time and got more and more anxious and stressful on what +if I saw the people somewhere or if they walke to canteen using the side +door that I had been using. Since then I have been unable to go anywhere +near Hamina. + +There was one exception where I had scheduler appointment with the school +social worker and I went there with my mother, but the school social +worker was away with label on the door saying "if you had scheduled +appointment, please contact me using Wilma (place to message teachers +etc.)" so we wasted time 50 minutes per trip from Kotka to Hamina and +Hamina to Kotka. + +* * * * * + +I would graduate in summer without this issue and the only thing I have +missing is work training. As I don't have work training place I was doing +it at school with some other students until the bullying started. + +The work training didn't went too well as it felt like it was as far +from real work environment as possible, teacher giving some tasks that are +done in maybe 15 minutes and rest of time other people just playing games +and drinking energy drinks. + +There is also another issue, me being scared of real work environment, but +nothing can be done to it now and the fear will just be moved to trouble +either my next school that I have thought to be +[KyUAS](http://www.kyamk.fi/Frontpage) (but it seems likely that I will +try to get to [Helsinki] or [Jyväsykylä] and study there as people have +offered to help me find apartment either from there) or anywhere where I +will work in the future if I ever will. + +The school also offered to also give remote tasks, but it was too late and +I don't feel like I can do anything anymore as the school hasn't done +anything to help the situation. + +How does this affect me? As people say, bullying leaves eternal scars and I +am not someone who could stay away from school just for fun, I have talked +about suicide daily and I have also just been talked out of it for the +second time in two days. I don't believe I can live like this forever.