91 lines
3.8 KiB
Markdown
91 lines
3.8 KiB
Markdown
---
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layout: post
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comments: true
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title: "Little on my life currently"
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category: [english]
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tags: [irc, english, life]
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redirect_from: /english/2015/03/25/leaving-bots-life.html
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---
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## A little on my life currently
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<-->
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**TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, school bullying, transphobia**
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I am 19 years old trans woman who also has Asperger's syndrome
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studying <s>for vocational qualification in business information
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technology</s> or would be studying if there wasn't one "small bullying
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issue." I haven't been at
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[Etelä-Kymenlaakso vocational college](https://ekami.fi/in-english) for
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month and more.
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It started some time ago when I went there and it was mainly in three
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events on different days:
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- Coming from school canteen someone said "hi Mikaela, you are beautiful"
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in one boy group where I have no idea who said it or who they even are.
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- Going to school canteen someone of the same group said "hi" and I replied
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"hi" and I got third reply imitating my horrible masculine voice.
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- The last time going to school canteen I went to nearby bathroom to
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\<if I understood correctly, trans people do so horrible things in
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bahtroom that I cannot write it here :P\> and I heard my name being
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shouted there multiple times. When I leeft it and went to canteen, I
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just ignored them and went to canteen normally and heard them shouting
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after me "ONKO SULLA MUNAT!" which in spoken (Finnish) language
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translates to "DO YOU HAVE TESTICLES?".
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I informed this to school social worker and two teachers, but then I
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learned that the school is unable to do anything as I have no idea who
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the people are (what class or names). I was one day away and on then went
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back for some time and got more and more anxious and stressful on what
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if I saw the people somewhere or if they walke to canteen using the side
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door that I had been using. Since then I have been unable to go anywhere
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near Hamina.
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There was one exception where I had scheduler appointment with the school
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social worker and I went there with my mother, but the school social
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worker was away with label on the door saying "if you had scheduled
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appointment, please contact me using Wilma (place to message teachers
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etc.)" so we wasted time 50 minutes per trip from [Kotka] to [Hamina] and
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[Hamina] to [Kotka].
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[kotka]: https://www.kotka.fi/en/residents
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[hamina]: https://hamina.fi/en/
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---
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_Update:
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[I graduated on 2015-05-29.]({% post_url blog/2015-05-29-graduation %})_
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I would graduate in summer without this issue and the only thing I have
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missing is work training. As I don't have work training place I was doing
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it at school with some other students until the bullying started.
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The work training didn't went too well as it felt like it was as far
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from real work environment as possible, teacher giving some tasks that are
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done in maybe 15 minutes and rest of time other people just playing games
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and drinking energy drinks.
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There is also another issue, me being scared of real work environment, but
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nothing can be done to it now and the fear will just be moved to trouble
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either my next school that I have thought to be
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[KyUAS](https://www.kyamk.fi/Frontpage) (but it seems likely that I will
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try to get to [Helsinki] or [Jyväskylä] and study there as people have
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offered to help me find apartment either from there) or anywhere where I
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will work in the future if I ever will.
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[helsinki]: https://www.hel.fi/www/helsinki/en
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[jyväskylä]: https://www.hel.fi/www/helsinki/en
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The school also offered to also give remote tasks, but it was too late and
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I don't feel like I can do anything anymore as the school hasn't done
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anything to help the situation.
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How does this affect me? As people say, bullying leaves eternal scars and I
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am not someone who could stay away from school just for fun, I have talked
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about suicide daily and I have also just been talked out of it for the
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second time in two days. I don't believe I can live like this forever.
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---
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