Mikaela Suomalainen
30c6365a81
There is no need for them to bring pain to me or anyone else. The bot ones are also personal and won't say anything to anyone unlike the life parts. Removing them entirely doesn't feel right, so I begin just by hiding them. One shows hint of hidden content in the blog page, but I don't feel the need to change it.
8.1 KiB
More on my life and a little background on bots; also trigger warning about probably everything…
Start with the previous post on the subject…
Update: I graduated on 2015-05-29.
So I have been away from school for months now and the fact that I won’t graduate seems very sure. I haven’t left home unless I have had too either and after today I might leave home even then.
I don’t remember last week so well, so probably nothing happened, I was away from home for two events at Helsinki which is tiring as the bus trip from Kotka-Helsinki is two hours, rest of the week I was at home with the exception of visiting cottage and replacing elorn (Banana Pi which didn’t like upgrade from Bananian Wheezy to Bananian Jessie) with rbtpzn (a little better system, Raspberry Pi B+ running Arch Linux ARM), I don’t remember what else happened.
I have also been anxious too much for being healthy and I have talked about suicide probably daily. Last night Doctor Google also suggested Avoidant personality disorder and I am waiting for seeing “mental health professional” again and asking if that is possible.
And back to today, I had possibly my worst bus trip between Kotka and
Helsinki. First there was bully from previous school and even if they
didn’t do anything, just seeing is enough to trigger heavy anxiety to
me.
Then there were two people sitting in front of me at the bus,
small child and one adult. The child kept making loud noice for most of
the trip and at some point dropped whatever the thing is on bus seats
behind your head to me and only stared.
I was too anxious even
without them, so I didn’t tell the adult anything and there wouldn’t
have been any use in that as they didn’t care about their behaviour
anyway and it would have been my fault anyway for sitting there or
annoying them just for existing.