49 lines
2.2 KiB
Markdown
49 lines
2.2 KiB
Markdown
---
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layout: post
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comments: true
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title: "A little more on my life"
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category: [english]
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tags: [english, life, love]
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redirect_from: /english/2015/05/18/life-bot-background.html
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sitemap: false
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---
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_More on my life and a little background on bots; also trigger warning about
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probably everything..._
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Start with the [previous post on
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the subject]({% post_url blog/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life %})...
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_Update: [I graduated on 2015-05-29.]({% post_url blog/2015-05-29-graduation %})_
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So I have been away from school for months now and the fact that I won't
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graduate seems very sure. I haven't left home unless I have had too either and
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after today I might leave home even then.
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I don't remember last week so well, so probably nothing happened, I was away
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from home for two events at Helsinki which is tiring as the bus trip from
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Kotka-Helsinki is two hours, rest of the week I was at home with the exception
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of visiting cottage and replacing elorn (Banana Pi which didn't like upgrade
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from Bananian Wheezy to Bananian Jessie) with rbtpzn (a little better system,
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Raspberry Pi B+ running Arch Linux ARM), I don't remember what else happened.
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I have also been anxious too much for being healthy and I have talked about
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suicide probably daily. Last night Doctor [Google] also suggested [Avoidant
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personality disorder] and I am waiting for seeing "mental health professional"
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again and asking if that is possible.
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[google]: https://encrypted.google.com/
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[avoidant personality disorder]:
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder
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And back to today, I had possibly my worst bus trip between Kotka and Helsinki.
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First there was bully from previous school and even if they didn't do anything,
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just seeing is enough to trigger heavy anxiety to me. <br/>Then there were two
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people sitting in front of me at the bus, small child and one adult. The child
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kept making loud noice for most of the trip and at some point dropped whatever
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the thing is on bus seats behind your head to me and only stared.<br/> I was too
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anxious even without them, so I didn't tell the adult anything and there
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wouldn't have been any use in that as they didn't care about their behaviour
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anyway and it would have been my fault anyway for sitting there or annoying them
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just for existing.
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