blog: umode +g part II - Why I don't acknowledg...

...e your existence

_posts/2015-05-10-umode+g2.md

@@ -0,0 +1,114 @@
+---
+layout: post
+comments: true
+title: "umode +g part 2: Why I don't acknowledge your existense"
+category: [english]
+tags: [english, IRC, outing, trans, ace]
+---
+
+*You might want to read this even if you don't have any idea what IRC is.
+Why I am not reacting to your attempts to PM me if I don't know you?
+Simple, all results are bad.*
+
+[See also umode +g part 1]({% post_url 2015-04-02-umode+g %})
+
+I had otherwise nice day yesterday, but then I returned home (living at
+Kotka while being me is worse than death) and there were not-so-nice
+things at IRC.
+
+* ChatSpike IRC network had somehow broken itself and they have SSL ports
+  listening plain text, but I am not affiliated with them and it has
+  nothing to do with this, but I seem to be mentioning it anyway.
+* Transphobic person had sent trans person after me for being in same
+  country and possibly being able to help (and interacting with them was
+  a mistake) which is why I won't acknowledge your PM attempts unless I
+  know you. I won't define "knowing", you can use your head for that.
+
+So I receive two PM attempts from someone I don't know and it gives me
+three choices:
+
+* ignore it like it didn't happen
+* `/accept` which can lead me getting [harassed] which doesn't interest
+  freenode staffers.
+* `/whois <the person>` and ask on common channel if any (this time
+  \#freenode).
+
+The third option seemed like the best possible, but was a disaster. First
+I ask if there was some reason they wanted to PM me and:
+
+> Oh, I got to know your nickname on another network from some person who
+  saw I was a transgender-person Mikaela .
+
+Today it seems that I misunderstood the line badly
+(that they knew me on other network) while being tired, but
+why else mention "transgender" to me as PM attempt reason if I wasn't
+trans.
+
+Then many people start complaining to me about making private conversation
+public ignoring that freenode staffers are infamour for their reaction to
+any kind of harassment on their network so it's my fault for staying safe.
+
+***As should be common sense, don't talk about anyone else beloging to
+gender or sexual minority, depending on which of them, they will get
+interacted with differently ("trying to cheat other people that they are
+another gender than they are"), violence, harassment, bullying or worse.***
+
+At this point there was finally a little PMing to return to \#freenode
+with even worse way longer time laterwhile I was preparing for bed and
+I wasn't following IRC (which possibly was good thing in this case.)
+
+*Everything below is from \#freenode*
+
+> I got your contact details from \<TRANSPHOBE\> in irc.pomf.se and that
+  person wanted to send greetings or something.
+
+*Please consider this blog post as return-greetings...*
+
+> I didn't know you were that young.
+
+> Something bad happened in Kotka in my life while other bad things were
+  happening in there so I made a connection that you might be some kind of
+  a key to fix some feelings left by that.
+
+*I think I have talked about living at Kotka being worse than death at many
+places, but no idea where you made that assumption.*
+
+> And, if you like, you could go to the Mensa IQ-test in Helsinki when
+  you have the time. Guide on how to go there can be found at
+  http://www.mensa.fi/
+
+*this has what to do with anything? bullying because of autism? by the way,
+other people are again complaining about the discussion which is natural
+as there is no reason for it to belong to \#freenode.*
+
+> And Mikaela, if you come out of being asexual, you could come to Rizon
+  to chat. #transbians is a good channel.
+
+*I take this as acephobia, the chances of me becoming something else than
+ace is probably same as sexual orientation of any other person changing...
+Here I am also outed as ace and I already talked about that before with
+great emphasis.*
+
+*One thing that happens to ace people when outed is often said to be
+"corrective rape", as raping asexual person will surely make them straight
+even if it won't work with other sexual minorities. Or does it cause mental
+health issues and more fear towards sexuality? (note that ace people can
+still have sex if they choose so and not everyone is repulsed by sex.
+remember consent).*
+
+* * * * *
+
+Now you should know...
+
+* that you mustn't talk about someone else being gender or sexual minority
+  even if they are publicly out, let them tell by themselves if they choose
+  to do so. Other people have no need for that information, they only need
+  knowledge on your preferred pronouns (or they can use singular they or
+  other gender neutral pronoun)…
+* that I am not going to talk to you in PM unless I know you and you should
+  use common sense for defining "knowing" and one real life example of what
+  can happen if I do talk to you.
+* that I have more issues with trying to help other people now. I have nice
+  issues with it for example freenode's "feminist" channels (with the
+  quotes) and getting bullied for performing repair install to their PC
+  when it was failing to boot Windows and they were lost on what to do.

pages/irc.markdown

@@ -32,6 +32,7 @@ could be a little more clear...
 * [Using umode -iI]({% post_url 2015-03-26-umode--i %})
 * [Keep the ops opped]({% post_url 2015-04-01-keep-the-ops-opped %})
 * [Using umode +g/blocking unauthorized PMs]({% post_url 2015-04-02-umode+g %})
+    * [Part 2: I don't acknowledge your existense if you attempt to PM and I don't know you.]({% post_url 2015-05-10-umode+g2 %})
 * [IRC over TLS is not pointless.]({% post_url 2015-04-22-IRC-over-TLS %})
 
 * * * * *