blog: umode +g part II - Why I don't acknowledg...
...e your existence
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layout: post
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comments: true
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title: "umode +g part 2: Why I don't acknowledge your existense"
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category: [english]
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tags: [english, IRC, outing, trans, ace]
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---
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*You might want to read this even if you don't have any idea what IRC is.
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Why I am not reacting to your attempts to PM me if I don't know you?
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Simple, all results are bad.*
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[See also umode +g part 1]({% post_url 2015-04-02-umode+g %})
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I had otherwise nice day yesterday, but then I returned home (living at
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Kotka while being me is worse than death) and there were not-so-nice
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things at IRC.
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* ChatSpike IRC network had somehow broken itself and they have SSL ports
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listening plain text, but I am not affiliated with them and it has
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nothing to do with this, but I seem to be mentioning it anyway.
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* Transphobic person had sent trans person after me for being in same
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country and possibly being able to help (and interacting with them was
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a mistake) which is why I won't acknowledge your PM attempts unless I
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know you. I won't define "knowing", you can use your head for that.
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So I receive two PM attempts from someone I don't know and it gives me
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three choices:
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* ignore it like it didn't happen
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* `/accept` which can lead me getting [harassed] which doesn't interest
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freenode staffers.
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* `/whois <the person>` and ask on common channel if any (this time
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\#freenode).
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The third option seemed like the best possible, but was a disaster. First
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I ask if there was some reason they wanted to PM me and:
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> Oh, I got to know your nickname on another network from some person who
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saw I was a transgender-person Mikaela .
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Today it seems that I misunderstood the line badly
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(that they knew me on other network) while being tired, but
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why else mention "transgender" to me as PM attempt reason if I wasn't
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trans.
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Then many people start complaining to me about making private conversation
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public ignoring that freenode staffers are infamour for their reaction to
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any kind of harassment on their network so it's my fault for staying safe.
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***As should be common sense, don't talk about anyone else beloging to
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gender or sexual minority, depending on which of them, they will get
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interacted with differently ("trying to cheat other people that they are
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another gender than they are"), violence, harassment, bullying or worse.***
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At this point there was finally a little PMing to return to \#freenode
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with even worse way longer time laterwhile I was preparing for bed and
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I wasn't following IRC (which possibly was good thing in this case.)
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*Everything below is from \#freenode*
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> I got your contact details from \<TRANSPHOBE\> in irc.pomf.se and that
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person wanted to send greetings or something.
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*Please consider this blog post as return-greetings...*
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> I didn't know you were that young.
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> Something bad happened in Kotka in my life while other bad things were
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happening in there so I made a connection that you might be some kind of
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a key to fix some feelings left by that.
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*I think I have talked about living at Kotka being worse than death at many
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places, but no idea where you made that assumption.*
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> And, if you like, you could go to the Mensa IQ-test in Helsinki when
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you have the time. Guide on how to go there can be found at
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http://www.mensa.fi/
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*this has what to do with anything? bullying because of autism? by the way,
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other people are again complaining about the discussion which is natural
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as there is no reason for it to belong to \#freenode.*
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> And Mikaela, if you come out of being asexual, you could come to Rizon
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to chat. #transbians is a good channel.
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*I take this as acephobia, the chances of me becoming something else than
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ace is probably same as sexual orientation of any other person changing...
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Here I am also outed as ace and I already talked about that before with
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great emphasis.*
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*One thing that happens to ace people when outed is often said to be
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"corrective rape", as raping asexual person will surely make them straight
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even if it won't work with other sexual minorities. Or does it cause mental
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health issues and more fear towards sexuality? (note that ace people can
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still have sex if they choose so and not everyone is repulsed by sex.
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remember consent).*
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* * * * *
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Now you should know...
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* that you mustn't talk about someone else being gender or sexual minority
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even if they are publicly out, let them tell by themselves if they choose
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to do so. Other people have no need for that information, they only need
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knowledge on your preferred pronouns (or they can use singular they or
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other gender neutral pronoun)…
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* that I am not going to talk to you in PM unless I know you and you should
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use common sense for defining "knowing" and one real life example of what
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can happen if I do talk to you.
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* that I have more issues with trying to help other people now. I have nice
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issues with it for example freenode's "feminist" channels (with the
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quotes) and getting bullied for performing repair install to their PC
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when it was failing to boot Windows and they were lost on what to do.
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@ -32,6 +32,7 @@ could be a little more clear...
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* [Using umode -iI]({% post_url 2015-03-26-umode--i %})
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* [Keep the ops opped]({% post_url 2015-04-01-keep-the-ops-opped %})
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* [Using umode +g/blocking unauthorized PMs]({% post_url 2015-04-02-umode+g %})
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* [Part 2: I don't acknowledge your existense if you attempt to PM and I don't know you.]({% post_url 2015-05-10-umode+g2 %})
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* [IRC over TLS is not pointless.]({% post_url 2015-04-22-IRC-over-TLS %})
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* * * * *
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