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---
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layout: post
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title: "Who is we?"
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category: [english]
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tags: [english, life]
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---
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*This is a question that has been bothering me for a week or so and now the
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time is ripe for blogging, even if I have no answers.*
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I am typing and backspacing this line, I don't know how to properly begin
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and format my message, or if my message can be understood. I think I will
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begin by listing what events have lead me to think of the question, who is
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"we".
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* * * * *
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Case redacted
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I feel anxious returning to thinking about this case which I have removed
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from my blog even if git remembers, I appreciate if you don't start digging
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for more of that story. I don't even remember how it went.
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There was a project and there was drama. I was "given permission"
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(how exactly?) to talk as "we", I think it's simple to say it went to my
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head and bad things happened.
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* * * * *
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Case matrix-appservice-irc
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*I am not affiliated with New Vector or Matrix.org and neither are the
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people I am going to describe, it's just easy to pick the name of the
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project based on where this happened. I guess the people may not even
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remember this incident, unless they are harbouring similar thoughts and
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going to write their versions of this post.*
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I am not sure how to talk about this either, but after having told about
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*redacted* I feel less anxious as this happened after my worst mental health
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problems.
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There is a group of people. There is someone others don't get along with
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well and another one whom people get along with a bit better.
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The first person asks whether "we" should do something (funnily I have no
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memory of what, but it's irrelevant to this post as this could have happened
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anywhere) and I think what happened was the second person starting to
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challenge the first one asking who are they to talk about "we". Can you
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guess what happens next?
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I still don't remember what exactly happened, but within the same
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discussion the second person starts talking similar things as "we". I think
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this time I am the one challenging them, asking how does their "we" differ
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from the "we" of the first person or why are they allowed to say "we" while
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the first one cannot.
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I think there were hurt feelings and I faintly remember talking about it
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with a third person, who I think agreed that there wasn't difference between
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those "we"s and maybe even said that it was good that I pointed it out? I
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don't remember, but I might regardless be typing this post and I have at
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least two more cases.
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* * * * *
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Cases PrivacyTools.IO
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This is an interesting case, because I guess I am supposedly part of the
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"we" or at least a team member (unless I have gotten "fired" during the time
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I am typing this) and I have criticized PTIO before finding myself in the
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team. I am not sure or the case being interesting is why I again have
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difficulties finding words while the previous case felt easy to get out. Or
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maybe the problem is that this is actually cases in plural.
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PTIO attempts to list tools that preferably anyone can use to protect their
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privacy. There are GitHub issues (where I am active), Discourse Forum (which
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I read thanks to mailing list mode) and a subReddit which I see at times
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when Reddit decides to give me a web push notification. PTIO is also hosting
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some services.
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Now I look at the previous paragraph and wonder... What I am asking is
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"who is we", but I could similarly ask who is PTIO, are they also a person
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who happens to be hosting many services and list tools for privacy? Or is it
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a inanimate website which just happens to have a founder and contributions
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by many people on GitHub? And are the websites hosted by PTIO or Barung and
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Jonah who are the service department?
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At this point on line 87 this question starts seeming silly, but I am not
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finished yet. Maybe "we" deserves the defence on whether it makes more sense
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to ask whether "we should list X" or whether "X should be listed on PTIO",
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I think I prefer the later form as it doesn't refer to the "we" and thus it
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doesn't bring to existence the others.
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I have been reading books by [Jaron Lanier](http://jaronlanier.com/) recently, beginning from
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_Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now_,
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_Who Owns The Future_ and currently I am reading _You Are Not a Gadget_.
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I may be using weird books as I read the first and the last in Finnish while
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I am typing in English so I know the English to Finnish translation of
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Kirsimarja Tielinen and am translating it back to English and it wouldn't be
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very surprising if I ended up to a different translation than the original
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word.
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Anyway especially in the first book he mentions a "pack switch" in peoples
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heads and how social media (I wish I knew what was the original name of
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"SUMUTIN") attempts to turn it into the pack position instead of the
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individual postition. I think this and references to it in the other books
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are inspiration for me to be typing this (on line 106 in Neovim) as I have
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been seeing examples of this.
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* A Finnish article on how a [YLE reporter met a man who wished for death of his family](https://yle.fi/aihe/artikkeli/2019/05/30/nettivihaa-tyossaan-kohtaava-sami-koivisto-tapasi-miehen-joka-toivoi-hanen).
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* The reporter had written request [From reporter: don't do a favour to terrorists - don't distribute hate on social media](https://yle.fi/uutiset/3-9786940)
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which apparently wasn't very liked on a certain imageboard where
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horrible things were said and this person was sued and met in
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arbitration and I see this as a case of us-vs-them.
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* Another recent case happened after I had already left Facebook\*, it goes
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too close to people I know and associations I have responsibility in so I
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am afraid of bringing the subject up again, so I will just say that there
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was kind of a manhunt on Facebook and I was afraid that the next day I
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would be hearing about how the situation escalated into a manhunt and a
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murder. Luckily that didn't happen and the last I heard was that the
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police got involved and the situation ended well.
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Within this text editor I have gotten sidetracked for one screenful of text,
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I have said that being "we" went badly for me in the past and that there is
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ambiguosity between "PTIO"/"we", referred to books and Finnish events, so
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I should be getting back to the subject.
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While PTIO is not a imageboard, I still wonder who is that "we", because if
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there is a "we", there must be those "others" and if there are "others",
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doesn't pack mentality require "them" to be hated and maybe also feared? Who
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are those others? Is it perhaps another privacy site like [PRISM BREAK](https://prism-break.org/en/)
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or people who aren't as privacy concious? Who are privacy concious if I use
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GMail and have Google Play Services on my phone, am I not part of us then? I
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keep removing this sentence as the obvious continuation would be stereotypes
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making me the target.
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Recently there was another specific case on PTIO Reddit, someone asked about
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DNS over HTTPS which is one of the issues I have thought the most about:
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> [Should we add these settings as recommended hardening on the firefox about:config hardening page?](https://www.reddit.com/r/privacytoolsIO/comments/c9s7qz/adding_dns_over_https_firefox_config_settigs_to/)
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There we (haha) have the "we" again, I felt a bit annoyed when Reddit web
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push notification sent me to that page as I was hungry and tired and the
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discussion was had in Reddit instead of at GitHub in [ 💬 Discussion | Firefox eSNI / DoH/TRR #785 ](https://github.com/privacytoolsIO/privacytools.io/issues/785) where I and four other people had discussed it
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previously. There was one nice question on [why everyone just doesn't run their own DNS server](https://www.reddit.com/r/privacytoolsIO/comments/c9s7qz/adding_dns_over_https_firefox_config_settigs_to/et3g7cu) which
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indeed would resolve at least my concerns, but... OK, now I am actually
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getting beside the point.
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I think the point is that I wish to provoke you, whoever is reading this,
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into thinking who is that "we" in these scenarios that could happen anywhere.
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If I finish up talking about PTIO, I don't know how many people there are
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commenting at GitHub, Discourse, Reddit, Matrix, and whether they are the
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same people everywhere or different and at the risk of sounding stupid or
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elitist, I will say that I have no idea who the person opening the Reddit
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thread is, they are not a member of the GitHub organization nor a moderator
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at Reddit. As I have said previously, I am not active at Reddit, so I don't
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know if they were e.g. the most active poster/commenter there. Who is we?
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Maybe it was the PTIO Reddit users?
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I don't like how the previous paragraph turned out, I am bad with words. I
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do hope everyone keeps doing what they like and is welcoming to everyone, I
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hope I made it clear earlier that my argument (if you can get it) undermines
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itself while I said that there probably isn't that much difference in
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"should we do X" or "should PTIO do X". PTIO can only be a sum of everyone
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who contributes into it and if no one contributes, there can be no PTIO.
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I still have two cases I intent to touch.
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* * * * *
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Case *Notes on privacy and data collection of Matrix.org*
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*If you ask Maxidorius or other The Grid protocol community members about
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this, they likely have no idea what I talk about as as with case
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matrix-appservice-irc it's easier to take the name of where or what caused
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the discussion, especially in this case as I don't want to promote the
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quiet channel where this happened.*
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The setting is a bit quiet IRC channel where many users happen to be from
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Matrix. Due to the [Notes on privacy and data collection of Matrix.org](https://gist.github.com/maxidorius/5736fd09c9194b7a6dc03b6b8d7220d0)
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and me being a founder, I was asked if "we should ban Matrix so the users will
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be more safe".
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I haven't yet addressed the question who is "I", which my original question
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"who is we" begs, I originally planned to not involve it, but it seems like
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I have to at least in a few words. I think it should be enough to say that
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I am not perfect or handle everything well (I have decided to throw this
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post into the drafts directory after I reach the end so I can ask at least
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some PTIO people to comment and why not people from this case too)...
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I wasn't my best self at that time either and as this post had been
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demanding to be written for days I started asking who that "we" is. And
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whether everyone who cannot prove running a IRC client at home should be
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banned as while I agree that Matrix is bad in this regard, I at least have
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some sort of idea what it is doing, while I cannot know what are IRCCloud
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and big shells doing (legally secrecy of correspondence would at least
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prevent them from reading what happens in the channel and same applies to
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Matrix, but I cannot know how long anything else is storing data).
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Skipping several lines I asked the most active Matrix users (and everyone
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else) what would they do if "the mysterious 'we' decided to ban Matrix users"
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and one response was that they wouldn't bother just for one channel. I also
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said that I wouldn't want to lose anyone.
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No one told me who is the "we". I guess having undermined my argument that
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the "we" is people on the channel or at least the most active chatters and
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the not-operator asking the question wishes that the op/user distinction
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to not be that big and the users may also take part on running the channel,
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which I do think is a good idea, but as I said before, the "we" brings the
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idea that there are also the "others" and I don't know who are the others
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either. Are they the Matrix users other than the most active ones? Are they
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those who don't say anything often? Are they those who chat when I am sleeping
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and whom I never chat with directly for that reason?
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* * * * *
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Case I
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LGBT\* circles have the right of self-definition and the right to not define
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self. I wonder if I should take the later right to get out of that difficult
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question, but it doesn't feel right to me, even if I originally didn't plan
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to type this.
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I am myself and many things, I may seem to be a different person in a group
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where I feel safe or in a large group of people where I don't know the
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people around. My communication can be very different when I am happy or
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hungry. I am getting sidetracked, am I not?
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For the purpose of this post, I am someone who has recovered from mental
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health problems and started attempting to communicate nonviolently. I try
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to be myself, "I", instead of "we" (whoever that was again). I try to make
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clear what are my thoughts and feelings instead of communicating them as
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thoughts/feelings of someone else, be that the mysterious "we" or a project
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that has no life in itself.
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I admit that I fail often, I guess that is to be a human, and if you and me
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meet somewhere either in the internet or offline, I am going to fail
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regardless of the language. I wonder if trying can also be thought as the
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learning progress which is part of the journey and the journey is as
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important as the destination.
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With these words it's good time to end typing this post and commit this in
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the drafts directory for spamming around for feedback on whether this is
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ready for release in the blog or if there are suggestions how I should change
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specific paragraphs or anything.
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Would you mind commenting at: https://github.com/Mikaela/mikaela.github.io/issues/147 ?
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