2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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---
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layout: post
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comments: true
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2018-04-29 10:27:42 +02:00
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title: "A little more on my life"
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2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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category: [english]
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2018-04-29 10:27:42 +02:00
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tags: [english, life, love]
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2018-11-25 23:51:24 +01:00
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redirect_from: /english/2015/05/18/life-bot-background.html
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2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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---
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2023-02-22 19:28:38 +01:00
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_More on my life and a little background on bots; also trigger warning
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about probably everything..._
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2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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2019-07-13 22:07:49 +02:00
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Start with the [previous post on the subject]({% post_url blog/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life %})...
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2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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2023-02-22 19:28:38 +01:00
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_Update:
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[I graduated on 2015-05-29.]({% post_url blog/2015-05-29-graduation %})_
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2015-05-29 09:58:07 +02:00
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2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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So I have been away from school for months now and the fact that I won't
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graduate seems very sure. I haven't left home unless I have had too either
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and after today I might leave home even then.
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I don't remember last week so well, so probably nothing happened, I was
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away from home for two events at Helsinki which is tiring as the bus
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trip from Kotka-Helsinki is two hours, rest of the week I was at home
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with the exception of visiting cottage and replacing elorn (Banana Pi which
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didn't like upgrade from Bananian Wheezy to Bananian Jessie) with rbtpzn
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(a little better system, Raspberry Pi B+ running Arch Linux ARM), I don't
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remember what else happened.
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I have also been anxious too much for being healthy and I have talked about
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suicide probably daily. Last night Doctor [Google] also suggested
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[Avoidant personality disorder] and I am waiting for seeing "mental
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health professional" again and asking if that is possible.
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2023-02-22 19:28:38 +01:00
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[google]: https://encrypted.google.com/
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[avoidant personality disorder]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder
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2015-05-18 21:56:01 +02:00
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And back to today, I had possibly my worst bus trip between Kotka and
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Helsinki. First there was bully from previous school and even if they
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didn't do anything, just seeing is enough to trigger heavy anxiety to me.
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<br/>Then there were two people sitting in front of me at the bus, small
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child and one adult. The child kept making loud noice for most of the trip
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and at some point dropped whatever the thing is on bus seats behind your
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head to me and only stared.<br/>
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I was too anxious even without them, so I didn't tell the adult anything
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and there wouldn't have been any use in that as they didn't care about
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their behaviour anyway and it would have been my fault anyway for sitting
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there or annoying them just for existing.
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