mikaela.github.io/_posts/2015-05-10-umode+g2.md

---
layout: post
comments: true
title: "umode +g part 2: Why I don't acknowledge your existense"
category: [english]
tags: [english, IRC, outing, trans, ace]
---

*You might want to read this even if you don't have any idea what IRC is.
Why I am not reacting to your attempts to PM me if I don't know you?
Simple, all results are bad.*

[See also umode +g part 1]({% post_url 2015-04-02-umode+g %})

I had otherwise nice day yesterday, but then I returned home (living at
Kotka while being me is worse than death) and there were not-so-nice
things at IRC.

* ChatSpike IRC network had somehow broken itself and they have SSL ports
  listening plain text, but I am not affiliated with them and it has
  nothing to do with this, but I seem to be mentioning it anyway.
* Transphobic person had sent trans person after me for being in same
  country and possibly being able to help (and interacting with them was
  a mistake) which is why I won't acknowledge your PM attempts unless I
  know you. I won't define "knowing", you can use your head for that.

So I receive two PM attempts from someone I don't know and it gives me
three choices:

* ignore it like it didn't happen
* `/accept` which can lead me getting [harassed] which doesn't interest
  freenode staffers.
* `/whois <the person>` and ask on common channel if any (this time
  \#freenode).

The third option seemed like the best possible, but was a disaster. First
I ask if there was some reason they wanted to PM me and:

> Oh, I got to know your nickname on another network from some person who
  saw I was a transgender-person Mikaela .

Today it seems that I misunderstood the line badly
(that they knew me on other network) while being tired, but
why else mention "transgender" to me as PM attempt reason if I wasn't
trans.

Then many people start complaining to me about making private conversation
public ignoring that freenode staffers are infamour for their reaction to
any kind of harassment on their network so it's my fault for staying safe.

***As should be common sense, don't talk about anyone else beloging to
gender or sexual minority, depending on which of them, they will get
interacted with differently ("trying to cheat other people that they are
another gender than they are"), violence, harassment, bullying or worse.***

At this point there was finally a little PMing to return to \#freenode
with even worse way longer time laterwhile I was preparing for bed and
I wasn't following IRC (which possibly was good thing in this case.)

*Everything below is from \#freenode*

> I got your contact details from \<TRANSPHOBE\> in irc.pomf.se and that
  person wanted to send greetings or something.

*Please consider this blog post as return-greetings...*

> I didn't know you were that young.

> Something bad happened in Kotka in my life while other bad things were
  happening in there so I made a connection that you might be some kind of
  a key to fix some feelings left by that.

*I think I have talked about living at Kotka being worse than death at many
places, but no idea where you made that assumption.*

> And, if you like, you could go to the Mensa IQ-test in Helsinki when
  you have the time. Guide on how to go there can be found at
  http://www.mensa.fi/

*this has what to do with anything? bullying because of autism? by the way,
other people are again complaining about the discussion which is natural
as there is no reason for it to belong to \#freenode.*

> And Mikaela, if you come out of being asexual, you could come to Rizon
  to chat. #transbians is a good channel.

*I take this as acephobia, the chances of me becoming something else than
ace is probably same as sexual orientation of any other person changing...
Here I am also outed as ace and I already talked about that before with
great emphasis.*

*One thing that happens to ace people when outed is often said to be
"corrective rape", as raping asexual person will surely make them straight
even if it won't work with other sexual minorities. Or does it cause mental
health issues and more fear towards sexuality? (note that ace people can
still have sex if they choose so and not everyone is repulsed by sex.
remember consent).*

* * * * *

Now you should know...

* that you mustn't talk about someone else being gender or sexual minority
  even if they are publicly out, let them tell by themselves if they choose
  to do so. Other people have no need for that information, they only need
  knowledge on your preferred pronouns (or they can use singular they or
  other gender neutral pronoun)…
* that I am not going to talk to you in PM unless I know you and you should
  use common sense for defining "knowing" and one real life example of what
  can happen if I do talk to you.
* that I have more issues with trying to help other people now. I have nice
  issues with it for example freenode's "feminist" channels (with the
  quotes) and getting bullied for performing repair install to their PC
  when it was failing to boot Windows and they were lost on what to do.

*[For (un)setting umodes, see this post.]({% post_url 2015-06-03-setting-umodes %})*