--- layout: post comments: true title: "A little more on my life" category: [english] tags: [english, life, love] redirect_from: /english/2015/05/18/life-bot-background.html --- *More on my life and a little background on bots; also trigger warning about probably everything...* Start with the [previous post on the subject]({% post_url blog/2015-03-25-leaving-bots-life %})... *Update: [I graduated on 2015-05-29.]({% post_url blog/2015-05-29-graduation %})* So I have been away from school for months now and the fact that I won't graduate seems very sure. I haven't left home unless I have had too either and after today I might leave home even then. I don't remember last week so well, so probably nothing happened, I was away from home for two events at Helsinki which is tiring as the bus trip from Kotka-Helsinki is two hours, rest of the week I was at home with the exception of visiting cottage and replacing elorn (Banana Pi which didn't like upgrade from Bananian Wheezy to Bananian Jessie) with rbtpzn (a little better system, Raspberry Pi B+ running Arch Linux ARM), I don't remember what else happened. I have also been anxious too much for being healthy and I have talked about suicide probably daily. Last night Doctor [Google] also suggested [Avoidant personality disorder] and I am waiting for seeing "mental health professional" again and asking if that is possible. [Google]:https://encrypted.google.com/ [Avoidant personality disorder]:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder And back to today, I had possibly my worst bus trip between Kotka and Helsinki. First there was bully from previous school and even if they didn't do anything, just seeing is enough to trigger heavy anxiety to me.
Then there were two people sitting in front of me at the bus, small child and one adult. The child kept making loud noice for most of the trip and at some point dropped whatever the thing is on bus seats behind your head to me and only stared.
I was too anxious even without them, so I didn't tell the adult anything and there wouldn't have been any use in that as they didn't care about their behaviour anyway and it would have been my fault anyway for sitting there or annoying them just for existing.