From f21515b3c9167d25d27e061a8c315f1b81953e64 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Mikaela Suomalainen Date: Mon, 8 Jul 2019 14:16:55 +0300 Subject: [PATCH] _drafts/2019-07-08-who-is-we.md Ref: #147 --- _drafts/2019-07-08-who-is-we.md | 245 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 245 insertions(+) create mode 100644 _drafts/2019-07-08-who-is-we.md diff --git a/_drafts/2019-07-08-who-is-we.md b/_drafts/2019-07-08-who-is-we.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..51439bc --- /dev/null +++ b/_drafts/2019-07-08-who-is-we.md @@ -0,0 +1,245 @@ +--- +layout: post +title: "Who is we?" +category: [english] +tags: [english, life] +--- + +*This is a question that has been bothering me for a week or so and now the + time is ripe for blogging, even if I have no answers.* + +I am typing and backspacing this line, I don't know how to properly begin +and format my message, or if my message can be understood. I think I will +begin by listing what events have lead me to think of the question, who is +"we". + +* * * * * + +Case redacted + +I feel anxious returning to thinking about this case which I have removed +from my blog even if git remembers, I appreciate if you don't start digging +for more of that story. I don't even remember how it went. + +There was a project and there was drama. I was "given permission" +(how exactly?) to talk as "we", I think it's simple to say it went to my +head and bad things happened. + +* * * * * + +Case matrix-appservice-irc + +*I am not affiliated with New Vector or Matrix.org and neither are the + people I am going to describe, it's just easy to pick the name of the + project based on where this happened. I guess the people may not even + remember this incident, unless they are harbouring similar thoughts and + going to write their versions of this post.* + +I am not sure how to talk about this either, but after having told about +*redacted* I feel less anxious as this happened after my worst mental health +problems. + +There is a group of people. There is someone others don't get along with +well and another one whom people get along with a bit better. + +The first person asks whether "we" should do something (funnily I have no +memory of what, but it's irrelevant to this post as this could have happened +anywhere) and I think what happened was the second person starting to +challenge the first one asking who are they to talk about "we". Can you +guess what happens next? + +I still don't remember what exactly happened, but within the same +discussion the second person starts talking similar things as "we". I think +this time I am the one challenging them, asking how does their "we" differ +from the "we" of the first person or why are they allowed to say "we" while +the first one cannot. + +I think there were hurt feelings and I faintly remember talking about it +with a third person, who I think agreed that there wasn't difference between +those "we"s and maybe even said that it was good that I pointed it out? I +don't remember, but I might regardless be typing this post and I have at +least two more cases. + +* * * * * + +Cases PrivacyTools.IO + +This is an interesting case, because I guess I am supposedly part of the +"we" or at least a team member (unless I have gotten "fired" during the time +I am typing this) and I have criticized PTIO before finding myself in the +team. I am not sure or the case being interesting is why I again have +difficulties finding words while the previous case felt easy to get out. Or +maybe the problem is that this is actually cases in plural. + +PTIO attempts to list tools that preferably anyone can use to protect their +privacy. There are GitHub issues (where I am active), Discourse Forum (which +I read thanks to mailing list mode) and a subReddit which I see at times +when Reddit decides to give me a web push notification. PTIO is also hosting +some services. + +Now I look at the previous paragraph and wonder... What I am asking is +"who is we", but I could similarly ask who is PTIO, are they also a person +who happens to be hosting many services and list tools for privacy? Or is it +a inanimate website which just happens to have a founder and contributions +by many people on GitHub? And are the websites hosted by PTIO or Barung and +Jonah who are the service department? + +At this point on line 87 this question starts seeming silly, but I am not +finished yet. Maybe "we" deserves the defence on whether it makes more sense +to ask whether "we should list X" or whether "X should be listed on PTIO", +I think I prefer the later form as it doesn't refer to the "we" and thus it +doesn't bring to existence the others. + +I have been reading books by [Jaron Lanier](http://jaronlanier.com/) recently, beginning from +_Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now_, +_Who Owns The Future_ and currently I am reading _You Are Not a Gadget_. +I may be using weird books as I read the first and the last in Finnish while +I am typing in English so I know the English to Finnish translation of +Kirsimarja Tielinen and am translating it back to English and it wouldn't be +very surprising if I ended up to a different translation than the original +word. + +Anyway especially in the first book he mentions a "pack switch" in peoples +heads and how social media (I wish I knew what was the original name of +"SUMUTIN") attempts to turn it into the pack position instead of the +individual postition. I think this and references to it in the other books +are inspiration for me to be typing this (on line 106 in Neovim) as I have +been seeing examples of this. + +* A Finnish article on how a [YLE reporter met a man who wished for death of his family](https://yle.fi/aihe/artikkeli/2019/05/30/nettivihaa-tyossaan-kohtaava-sami-koivisto-tapasi-miehen-joka-toivoi-hanen). + * The reporter had written request [From reporter: don't do a favour to terrorists - don't distribute hate on social media](https://yle.fi/uutiset/3-9786940) + which apparently wasn't very liked on a certain imageboard where + horrible things were said and this person was sued and met in + arbitration and I see this as a case of us-vs-them. +* Another recent case happened after I had already left Facebook\*, it goes + too close to people I know and associations I have responsibility in so I + am afraid of bringing the subject up again, so I will just say that there + was kind of a manhunt on Facebook and I was afraid that the next day I + would be hearing about how the situation escalated into a manhunt and a + murder. Luckily that didn't happen and the last I heard was that the + police got involved and the situation ended well. + +Within this text editor I have gotten sidetracked for one screenful of text, +I have said that being "we" went badly for me in the past and that there is +ambiguosity between "PTIO"/"we", referred to books and Finnish events, so +I should be getting back to the subject. + +While PTIO is not a imageboard, I still wonder who is that "we", because if +there is a "we", there must be those "others" and if there are "others", +doesn't pack mentality require "them" to be hated and maybe also feared? Who +are those others? Is it perhaps another privacy site like [PRISM BREAK](https://prism-break.org/en/) +or people who aren't as privacy concious? Who are privacy concious if I use +GMail and have Google Play Services on my phone, am I not part of us then? I +keep removing this sentence as the obvious continuation would be stereotypes +making me the target. + +Recently there was another specific case on PTIO Reddit, someone asked about +DNS over HTTPS which is one of the issues I have thought the most about: + +> [Should we add these settings as recommended hardening on the firefox about:config hardening page?](https://www.reddit.com/r/privacytoolsIO/comments/c9s7qz/adding_dns_over_https_firefox_config_settigs_to/) + +There we (haha) have the "we" again, I felt a bit annoyed when Reddit web +push notification sent me to that page as I was hungry and tired and the +discussion was had in Reddit instead of at GitHub in [ 💬 Discussion | Firefox eSNI / DoH/TRR #785 ](https://github.com/privacytoolsIO/privacytools.io/issues/785) where I and four other people had discussed it +previously. There was one nice question on [why everyone just doesn't run their own DNS server](https://www.reddit.com/r/privacytoolsIO/comments/c9s7qz/adding_dns_over_https_firefox_config_settigs_to/et3g7cu) which +indeed would resolve at least my concerns, but... OK, now I am actually +getting beside the point. + +I think the point is that I wish to provoke you, whoever is reading this, +into thinking who is that "we" in these scenarios that could happen anywhere. + +If I finish up talking about PTIO, I don't know how many people there are +commenting at GitHub, Discourse, Reddit, Matrix, and whether they are the +same people everywhere or different and at the risk of sounding stupid or +elitist, I will say that I have no idea who the person opening the Reddit +thread is, they are not a member of the GitHub organization nor a moderator +at Reddit. As I have said previously, I am not active at Reddit, so I don't +know if they were e.g. the most active poster/commenter there. Who is we? +Maybe it was the PTIO Reddit users? + +I don't like how the previous paragraph turned out, I am bad with words. I +do hope everyone keeps doing what they like and is welcoming to everyone, I +hope I made it clear earlier that my argument (if you can get it) undermines +itself while I said that there probably isn't that much difference in +"should we do X" or "should PTIO do X". PTIO can only be a sum of everyone +who contributes into it and if no one contributes, there can be no PTIO. + +I still have two cases I intent to touch. + +* * * * * + +Case *Notes on privacy and data collection of Matrix.org* + +*If you ask Maxidorius or other The Grid protocol community members about + this, they likely have no idea what I talk about as as with case + matrix-appservice-irc it's easier to take the name of where or what caused + the discussion, especially in this case as I don't want to promote the + quiet channel where this happened.* + +The setting is a bit quiet IRC channel where many users happen to be from +Matrix. Due to the [Notes on privacy and data collection of Matrix.org](Notes on privacy and data collection of Matrix.org) +and me being a founder, I was asked if "we should ban Matrix so the users will +be more safe". + +I haven't yet addressed the question who is "I", which my original question +"who is we" begs, I originally planned to not involve it, but it seems like +I have to at least in a few words. I think it should be enough to say that +I am not perfect or handle everything well (I have decided to throw this +post into the drafts directory after I reach the end so I can ask at least +some PTIO people to comment and why not people from this case too)... + +I wasn't my best self at that time either and as this post had been +demanding to be written for days I started asking who that "we" is. And +whether everyone who cannot prove running a IRC client at home should be +banned as while I agree that Matrix is bad in this regard, I at least have +some sort of idea what it is doing, while I cannot know what are IRCCloud +and big shells doing (legally secrecy of correspondence would at least +prevent them from reading what happens in the channel and same applies to +Matrix, but I cannot know how long anything else is storing data). + +Skipping several lines I asked the most active Matrix users (and everyone +else) what would they do if "the mysterious 'we' decided to ban Matrix users" +and one response was that they wouldn't bother just for one channel. I also +said that I wouldn't want to lose anyone. + +No one told me who is the "we". I guess having undermined my argument that +the "we" is people on the channel or at least the most active chatters and +the not-operator asking the question wishes that the op/user distinction +to not be that big and the users may also take part on running the channel, +which I do think is a good idea, but as I said before, the "we" brings the +idea that there are also the "others" and I don't know who are the others +either. Are they the Matrix users other than the most active ones? Are they +those who don't say anything often? Are they those who chat when I am sleeping +and whom I never chat with directly for that reason? + +* * * * * + +Case I + +LGBT\* circles have the right of self-definition and the right to not define +self. I wonder if I should take the later right to get out of that difficult +question, but it doesn't feel right to me, even if I originally didn't plan +to type this. + +I am myself and many things, I may seem to be a different person in a group +where I feel safe or in a large group of people where I don't know the +people around. My communication can be very different when I am happy or +hungry. I am getting sidetracked, am I not? + +For the purpose of this post, I am someone who has recovered from mental +health problems and started attempting to communicate nonviolently. I try +to be myself, "I", instead of "we" (whoever that was again). I try to make +clear what are my thoughts and feelings instead of communicating them as +thoughts/feelings of someone else, be that the mysterious "we" or a project +that has no life in itself. + +I admit that I fail often, I guess that is to be a human, and if you and me +meet somewhere either in the internet or offline, I am going to fail +regardless of the language. I wonder if trying can also be thought as the +learning progress which is part of the journey and the journey is as +important as the destination. + +With these words it's good time to end typing this post and commit this in +the drafts directory for spamming around for feedback on whether this is +ready for release in the blog or if there are suggestions how I should change +specific paragraphs or anything.