-- -Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger's syndrome or Asperger disorder, is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical (peculiar, odd) use of language are frequently reported.
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I cannot name everything immediately if I am asked, but some things are easy to notice.
-First thing which people notice is probably that I speak only "book language". Then they probably notice that I walk weirdly or that I don't move my hands when I walk.
-Another thing which they might notice is that I don't look at eyes of other people when I talk to them. I used to force myself into doing that before I got enough depressed with school bullying to attempt suicide (which I have attempted three times and considered when I started writing this). I had read from one book that it's mark of telling the truth (looking at eyes).
-Then there is the fact that I am interested in computers, but I don't play very much games and I don't use Windows as my primary operating system and I can be thought as experienced Linux (Debian/Ubuntu) user.
-On music lessons and everywhere where there were loud music, the music is usually too loud for me
-There were also popular toys which made horrible smell and they were always too much for my nose.
-Asperger's syndrome can directly be used in bullying. As I seem weird (hate cursewords, don't smoke nor drink alcohol), people at school have nice habit of thinking reasons to it. They have told that "I know why Mika is so weird. His ancestors have had sex with monkeys" and that I am retarted.
-AS can probably be blamed for the reason of bullying that I only speak "book language" and I was called as "book language Mika" for first grades 1-3 (or something around that) as "book-language-Mika". It also happened on grades 7-9 (junior high school in Finnish school system).
-I was also bullied because of my clumsiness which could be seen in not being good in P.E. and weird walking style.
-On my current school (vocational school, it's after junior high school in Finnish school system) it seems like people thought that my sexuality isn't correct (I am not interested in sexuality) and they decided to fix that. How? They told me "Mika, look, here is Ubuntu" (Ubuntu is the most popular Linux distribution in the world which I used before Debian and which I am still using) and then showed me porn on their phones.
-It was also fun to play music loudly near my ears because I had to cover my ears with my hands when that happened.
-People also seem to have need for coming to talk to me when I don't want to talk with anyone. They just come to talk without anything to talk about "Hi Mika, how are you" etc. There are many other things too which I consider as bullying and that people don't even notice that I don't like.
-Risk of depression is usually part of Asperger's syndrome and that is the reason why I am typing this. My depression has caused me to try committing suicide three times, end junior high school before it ended, spend some months in psyciathrical hospital (I don't recommend it thought it was the first place to give correct information about AS and where I started seriously considering that I had it, youth policlinic told me that I had ADHD and skizophreny in addition to AS, but at psychiatrical hospital they were sure that I don't have either) and I was going to commit suicide for fourth time, but then I thought that I could as well type this page and I will go to this now.
-I am tired of being depressed/anxious/whatever and that people don't understand me at all and I thought that it's better to type this and wait for people to react to this (tell me that I am stupid and I shouldn't have ever born) so I can commit suicide with nobody caring about it.
-Or if unexpected happens and people can live with information what I am and agree it, then I probably lose my excuse to kill myself and this means that I might continue living, but I know that this isn't going to happen.
-Translated to Finnish: see the Finnish version
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