<strong><em>What is put into the internet stays in the internet,</em> so I am not going to remove this page. According to the original plan, I should have been dead at the time when this page was published but I am not and I won't be. It was my desicion to publish this information and I am going to follow it. I hope that this page helps someone else who has AS or helps to understand person with AS.</strong>
> Asperger syndrome (AS), also known as Asperger's syndrome or Asperger disorder, is an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) that is characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical (peculiar, odd) use of language are frequently reported.
I cannot name everything immediately if I am asked, but some things are easy to notice.
First thing which people notice is probably that I speak only "book language". Then they probably notice that I walk weirdly or that I don't move my hands when I walk.
Another thing which they might notice is that I don't look at eyes of other people when I talk to them. I used to force myself into doing that before I got enough depressed with school bullying to attempt suicide (which I have attempted three times and considered when I started writing this). I had read from one book that it's mark of telling the truth (looking at eyes).
Then there is the fact that I am interested in computers, but I don't play very much games and I don't use Windows as my primary operating system and I can be thought as experienced Linux (Debian/Ubuntu) user.
### Sensor issues
On music lessons and everywhere where there were loud music, the music is usually too loud for me
There were also popular toys which made horrible smell and they were always too much for my nose.
### Bullying
#### Because of AS
Asperger's syndrome can directly be used in bullying. As I seem weird (hate cursewords, don't smoke nor drink alcohol), people at school have nice habit of thinking reasons to it. They have told that "I know why Mika is so weird. His ancestors have had sex with monkeys" and that I am retarted.
AS can probably be blamed for the reason of bullying that I only speak "book language" and I was called as "book language Mika" for first grades 1-3 (or something around that) as "book-language-Mika". It also happened on grades 7-9 (junior high school in Finnish school system).
I was also bullied because of my clumsiness which could be seen in not being good in P.E. and weird walking style.
#### Which might not be related to AS.
On my current school (vocational school, it's after junior high school in Finnish school system) it seems like people thought that my sexuality isn't correct (I am not interested in sexuality) and they decided to fix that. How? They told me "Mika, look, here is Ubuntu" (Ubuntu is the most popular Linux distribution in the world which I used before Debian and which I am still using) and then showed me porn on their phones.
It was also fun to play music loudly near my ears because I had to cover my ears with my hands when that happened.
People also seem to have need for coming to talk to me when I don't want to talk with anyone. They just come to talk without anything to talk about "Hi Mika, how are you" etc. There are many other things too which I consider as bullying and that people don't even notice that I don't like.
Risk of depression is usually part of Asperger's syndrome. My depression has caused me to try committing suicide four times, end junior high school before it ended, spend some months in psyciathrical hospital (two times but the second stay is only two weeks) (I don't recommend it thought it was the first place to give correct information about AS and where I started seriously considering that I had it, youth policlinic told me that I had ADHD and skizophreny in addition to AS, but at psychiatrical hospital they were sure that I don't have either).
I originally typed this page to get suicide reason (I expect people to use this page against me), but now I am keeping this page just because I already published it. See also the bolded notice on top of this page.
