Any similarity between you and a human is pure coincidence.
As a failure, you are a tremendous success.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Congratulations; you're a perfect argument against brother-sister marriages.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? 
Did your sideshow leave town without you?
Don't be ignorant your whole life, take a day off why don't you?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? 
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
Everyone has the right to be ugly, but I'm afraid you've abused the privilege.
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
Have you considered suing your brains for lack of support? 
Have your parents ever asked you to run away?
He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe.
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! 
He's the kind of guy who'd put his wife on the dresser and kiss his wallet goodnight.
Hey buddy that's a nice shirt, what brand is it? Clearance?
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark! 
I'd like to give you a going-away present.....First, you do your part.
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
If brains were taxed, you would certainly be owed a refund.
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used. 
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. 
If truth is stranger than fiction, then you must be truth!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If your parents got a divorce, would they still be brother and sister?
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
I heard that an exclusive club just accepted you as a member... they must need someone to snub.
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! 
I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly.
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.
I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? 
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped.
Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent. 
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
Love the coat. You were lucky to get so much material.
Next time you open your mouth, try to say something interesting.
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Save your breath... you'll need it to blow up your date.
See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.
Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but it looks like this guy just gargled.
So now we know why some mammals eat their children.
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
The next time you shave, could you stand an inch or two closer to the razor please?
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
Well, they do say opposites attract...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.
Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because there is nothing blocking the traffic.
When you were born, did they let your Mother out of her cell?
Which village is missing its idiot?
Who picked out your clothes this morning... Stevie Wonder?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent. 
You are a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
You are a day late and a dollar short.
You are a few clowns short of a circus
You are all Preparation and no H.
You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.
You are not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
You are not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
You are the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot. 
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
You have a Titanic intellect in a world full of icebergs
You have the face like a Saint - a Saint Bernard.
You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
You're a habit I'd like to kick -- with both feet.
You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet!!
You remind me of the ocean - you make me sick.
You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.
You're not stupid... just possessed by a retarded ghost. 
You're so fat, when you go to a restaurant, you look at the menu and say "okay!"
You're so fat, when you go to the zoo, elephants throw you peanuts.
You're so fat, when your beeper goes off, people think you're backing up.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please!"
You're so fat, you had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
You're so fat, you have to iron your pants in the driveway.
You're so fat, your senior picture had to be taken from a helicopter.
You're so hairy, it looks like you've got Buckwheat in a headlock.
You're so old, when you were a kid, rainbows were in black and white.
You're so poor, burglars break into your house...and leave money.
You're so poor, that instead of a doorbell, your sister stands outside and yells "ding dong" when people push her nose.
You're so stupid, it takes you 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
You're so stupid, when you saw an NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign at the movie theatre, you went home and found 16 friends.
You're so stupid, you bought a solar-powered flashlight.
You're so stupid, you sold your car for gas money.
You're so stupid, you think a quarterback is a refund.
You're so stupid, you thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
Your face reminds me of a movie star. Lassie!
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
Your verbosity is exceeded only by your total stupidity.
You should find out if your university has a refund policy.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now I see that you are just the opposite - you are obnoxious and arrogant.
You've got more chins than a Chinese phone book!
